Posted by Charm_AL on 9/27/06 7:40pm
Msg #148948

I'm home and I need an OT...goodbye to this Day!!!...

New York Times - Wednesday, September 20, 2006

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Reply by Signing_Doc on 9/27/06 7:59pm
Msg #148952

how's this one


25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hookup" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those%&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen antacid not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces"I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer its for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?" Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.

Reply by Becca_FL on 9/27/06 8:40pm
Msg #148959

Charm, sounds like your day was like mine. :-) Go Network! n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 9/27/06 9:30pm
Msg #148971

Re: Charm, sounds like your day was like mine. :-) Go Network!

You know it Becca! Man, I hope in Notary Heaven they give us an extra cloud 9...hey did you see the new Affliate program? I think all the network leaders need to fill out an app and sell Harry's goods to their network - extra spendin' cash for hosting and all the work we do! I filled one out and faxed it to him...keeping my eyes crossed in hopes of being approved. Well. actually my eyes are crossed but this IS by far the vest month since starting in the Signing business, I could actually afford to get the Hubby a nice birthday gift this year that he won't be payong for! lol and a little overnite stay at Hotel action I wish we could do the beach!

Reply by John_NorCal on 9/27/06 9:13pm
Msg #148964

How about:

You learn fast Chief

A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his
Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the
natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was
how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little
farther and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The priest says, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent
years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."