Posted by Bob_Chicago on 7/19/12 10:17pm
Msg #427469
Options for NSAs who have made so much money in this biz
that they no longer need to work.
You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water inthe toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you inthe face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDINGME??!!
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you meanManhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. Thefour seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.
OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen,
Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or"out yonder."
It's important to know the difference, too.
OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he
stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on thesame day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say,
"It was different!"
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
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Reply by BrotherOwner on 7/19/12 10:37pm
Msg #427472
Re: YA. Sure for Minnesota. #5 is ROAD construction and
we gotta git 'er done before WINTER comes for sure, or it'll 'til be next year. Ya really should come up and see all the road construction this year. I've never seen so much in all my live long days. Ya'd think we'd be done by now, or at least at full employment!
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Reply by Susan Fischer on 7/20/12 9:01am
Msg #427508
You can retire to Oregon where...
1. On the West side, we don't tan, we rust.
2. On the Eastern side, there are no cacti in the desert and tumbleweeds are as big as cows.
3. In our lakes and rivers, fish literally leap into your net, and the *picture* of your catch weighs 50 pounds.
4. William Shakespeare lives in Ashland for the Lithia Water.
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