Posted by HisHughness on 12/13/04 8:33pm
Msg #13477

Putting my neck on the chopping block...

Okay, I'm going to get absolutely killed for this. But I've squirmed in my chair day after day, like a kindergartner with a tight bladder; resisted the urge to put a fist through my monitor; tried to recall that we all occupy the same mammalian niche, though some of us may be a little further up the evolutionary ladder than others. And I just can't take it anymore. I'm going to bust if I don't say

WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THAT IDIOTIC COINAGE, NEWBIE?

It's not enough that we have to wrap our eyes and our questing minds around that abomination several times in each posting period. It's not enough that whoever began that suppurating sample of simpleminded lexiconography is probably somewhere, chuckling at the degradation he has inflicted on the language of King James and Shakespeare. Now it has begun to mutate like a writhing mass of vocabularic maggots feasting on the bowels of disingenuous signing agents. First newbie, followed -- inevitably -- by "oldbie." Today we had "brandnewbie." Tomorrow it will be "middleagedbie." Soon it will be "babybewmerbie."

It's got to stop. I don't think my head can take anymore. Whatever happend to that old standard "beginner?" How about novice -- two syllables, just like that detestable "newbie," and one letter shorter. You want shorter and even more erudite? Try "tyro." Want to rachet up the class even more? Use "neophyte." Lean more to the rustic, proud of your frontier America heritage, a son or daughter of the Old West? Lean on "greenhorn."

But please, please, please, newk the "newbie."

Reply by mike/ca on 12/13/04 9:25pm
Msg #13481

i agree fully. hate that saying

Reply by Jon on 12/13/04 10:24pm
Msg #13496

Where's my axe????

Reply by BrendaKhan on 12/13/04 10:38pm
Msg #13502

I thought that was a made up word when I first started reading this board and several others, but took it to represent the fact that they are new and that proper grammer was something they would learn by reading from seasoned notaries posts.
I am glad to know I now can classiify myself as an experienced notary, be it intermediate but still learning something new every week from this board and others I read. BK-FL

Reply by PAnotary on 12/14/04 9:41am
Msg #13541

judging from your vocabularic lexiconography, you've got to play hell with the NY Times crossword puzzle.

Reply by Terri - CA on 12/14/04 12:13pm
Msg #13581

But please, please, please, newk the "newbie."

Oops sorry I couldn't resist - I do believe your spelling of "newk" is incorrect, and should be "nuke?" Or perhaps one could use the term "86."

Terri
Lancaster, CA

Reply by HisHughness on 12/14/04 1:11pm
Msg #13591

Terri patiently explicated:

***Oops sorry I couldn't resist - I do believe your spelling of "newk" is incorrect, and should be "nuke?" Or perhaps one could use the term "86."***

Thanks, Terri. The next time I'm inclined to use a constructed homonym in order to make merri I will be verri careful to see that I don't berri what I'm doing in subtlety. At the verri least, I will add a footnote explaining it for busy people who don't have time to parse it out. (1)

(1) A constructed homonym is a sound-alike made-up word that is substituted for the actual word for humorous effect, and is often predicated on a third word that shares the spelling of the constructed homonym, such as "verri" for "very," with "verri" predicated upon the source word "Terri." Another example would be "newk" for "nuke," predicated upon the source word "newbie." They are a prominent part of the limerick writer's art, though some would contend that the limerick writer is not blessed with an art but cursed with a toxic malady.

Constructed homonyms usually matter only to people such as lonely geezers left with far too much time on their hands by B&TEWs, and are generally challenged only by people who really should know better.