Posted by HisHughness on 4/10/05 10:12pm
Msg #30858

Some etiquette instruction, please

Will somebody who knows more about this sort of thing than I do please tell me whether it is considered poor form to ask a woman out for the first time by e-mail. Just a simple "yes" or "no" will be adequate, thank you. No need for comments such as "You did WHAT?" or "Now I understand why the B&TW will soon be the B&TEW" or "Geez! Sure hope you stay a long way away from my mother [grandmother, great aunt, any female in my extended family]."

Reply by Jean on 4/10/05 10:20pm
Msg #30860

If that is how you have always communicated I can't see any problems. If she really likes you it won't matter if you email or use the phone.

Reply by HisHughness on 4/10/05 10:31pm
Msg #30861

Jean reassures:

***If that is how you have always communicated I can't see any problems.***

Well...yes, that is the way we have always communicated...sort of. Other than after church service, when I just kind of hang around looking dumb and klutzy and try not to let her know I'm sneaking a look at her and trying not to show exactly how much it hurt when I spilled scalding hot coffee on myself when she came up behind me and said "Hello" and trying to hide the stain from the jelly donut goop that dripped on my shirt and blushing when I realize that I ripped a hole in the underarm of my turtleneck when I got out of the car and...I'm sure you get the picture.

Reply by ZLee_Califia on 4/11/05 1:00am
Msg #30872

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please -LOL

No offense, but this did strike me as a scene from an old Peter Sellers/Woody Allen movie.
Best of luck in your pursuit of happiness.

Reply by HisHughness on 4/11/05 1:05am
Msg #30873

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please -LOL

Shot down in flames -- by e-mail, yet.

What woman could resist seeing "Fletch" in the park -- free -- on an inflatable screen? Obviously, the one I asked.

Reply by ZLee_Califia on 4/11/05 1:15am
Msg #30874

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please -LOL

Hugh,

Write it off as an adventure. She probably thought with all the church antics that you were too high maintenance. It's her loss, but hey, what do I know?

Z

Reply by Ernest_CT on 4/11/05 6:48am
Msg #30875

Just an opinion. Well, actually two.

First, good luck!

No matter how the invitation is extended, there's a difference between her saying "No" to the one specific date opportunity and "No" to ever going out with you. (The "Fletch" movie was OK if you like Chevy Chase; the books were better. "Fletch" was probably more of a guy thing.) Please don't feel totally rejected if one offer is gently refused. There's a big difference between "I'm sorry; I'm busy." and "Me? Go out with you?! Ha ha ha!"

As painful as it is to be shot down, she may think about it and decide later that it might be such a bad idea. If she didn't reject you personally, just the one specific date idea, then give her a couple of weeks and ask her out for lunch, but do it in person. Maybe she's old fashioned enough to want to be asked face to face.

Reply by Charm_AL on 4/11/05 2:46pm
Msg #30947

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please -LOL

Shot down could mean that she knows your ex, you know those one sided conversations? That could kill your future love life, best to fish in another town lol

Reply by Joan-OH on 4/11/05 10:43am
Msg #30887

You are all missing the point.

Hugh Said: "Other than after church service"

Hugh, in past messages, has made it abundantly clear that he would not be caught dead at a "church service"

Did something change your mind? Inquiring minds want to know! :-)

Nevertheless, the responses to this thread are entertaining. Thanks Hugh

Joan-OH

Reply by HisHughness on 4/11/05 3:49pm
Msg #30965

Re: You are all missing the point.

Hugh, like Thomas Jefferson and Ralph Waldo Emerson before him, is a Unitarian. Of 40 years standing, I might add.

Reply by Stephanie_CA on 4/11/05 12:16pm
Msg #30896

On second thought, I think asking her out by email is fine.....and it might be better since you seem so shy.
By asking her out by email, she won't have to give an immediate response and more than likely she may after thinking about it she may give you a positive response.

**There is a chance she is shy and an email would be the perfect way to ask her out.

Good luck and I wish you the best here.

Reply by Shane_IN on 4/10/05 10:42pm
Msg #30862

Bad Form Hugh....

Well, depending.... asking her out via email, and you run the risk of the "date" being misinterpretted for a "get together non date"....

Just my advice.

Reply by DonCA on 4/10/05 10:51pm
Msg #30863

Sort of tacky my friend. Use the old fashioned method of a telephone call and show her you really have some social graces. Good Luck!

Reply by HisHughness on 4/10/05 10:52pm
Msg #30864

Shane warns:

***asking her out via email, and you run the risk of the "date" being misinterpretted for a "get together non date"....***

So, maybe I could cure that problem by getting a little fresh during the evening...you know, I could...well, you know. That certainly would let her know I don't view it as a "get together non date." Whaddya think?

Reply by Reggie on 4/10/05 11:01pm
Msg #30865

HisHughness

No to the first question
No to the second question

Reggie
Kansas

Reply by Reggie on 4/10/05 11:02pm
Msg #30866

HisHughness

No to the first question
No to the second question

Reggie
Kansas

Reply by anon on 4/10/05 11:09pm
Msg #30867

I would suggest to read all the posts from Number ONE, and then ask your question after that!

Reply by Melody on 4/10/05 11:44pm
Msg #30868

LOVE your post!!!!!!!! n/m

Reply by Shane_IN on 4/11/05 9:42am
Msg #30881

Come on Hugh, cowboy up, pick up the phone, and tell her you'd like to take her out....

"getting a little fresh"? (refers to over the hill dictionary on relationships) ahhhh! hehe

showing your age Hugh.....

just ask her...she can't kill you for asking, all she can do is say no.

Reply by Stephanie_CA on 4/11/05 3:56pm
Msg #30966

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please..Got me smiling Shane

Reply by Melody on 4/10/05 11:46pm
Msg #30869

No

As an attorney, you realize you are establishing precident. If you want a personal relationship, use a personal approach.

Ask her in person. If you can't manage that, telephone her.

No less.

Reply by ssnotary on 4/10/05 11:58pm
Msg #30870

Yes, yes ask her via e-mail, not a thing wrong with it. It's a method of comunication these days. Be gentle and prepared for a yes or no, in the event it's no of oucrse take into consideration will this be uncomfortable next week at church and if so, is this ok with you?
Life is too short to ponder and waste time, ask her out. Absolutely!!!!!!

Reply by Ninna_La on 4/11/05 12:40am
Msg #30871

hmmmm... if it were me... I probably would rather have an e-mail. It would give me plenty of time to ponder an eloquent rejection. Sorry, Hugh... couldn't resist. XOXO

Reply by hotnotary_CA on 4/11/05 9:51am
Msg #30882

I am a chick who has had lots of men ask me out on dates. If a chick is interested you could send a note on a dirly postcard, and she would be stoaked. First impression isn't everything, it is all about chemistry if you ask me. So, unfortunatly you were f-ed before you even had a good chance. ALSO... Chicks now a day ask men out. If she liked you at church she would have made that clear. Email, telephone, by way of friend, whatever. If you got a no, it wasn't becuse of the way or what you asked her to do, she just isn't interested in you. Oh yeah, and SPENDING SOME MULAH ON A REAL DATE WILL HELP IN THE FUTURE. Asking someone to do a free thing has cheap skate written all over it. Even my Husband who was only 22 when we met took me out for a nice dinner the first five dates. Then we transitioned to cheaper activities. Good luck dude!!

Reply by HisHughness on 4/11/05 10:09am
Msg #30883

hotnotary advises:

***Oh yeah, and SPENDING SOME MULAH ON A REAL DATE WILL HELP IN THE FUTURE. Asking someone to do a free thing has cheap skate written all over it. ***

Forgive me for saying this, but I have always found it passing strange that a woman, who is hitching a free ride on a man's wallet, would have the cojones to call the man "cheap" if he isn't prepared to spends loads on her. What kind of inverted illogic is that, especially in an era in which women proclaim from the rooftops that they are the equals of, and deserve full equality with men?

Reply by Charm_AL on 4/11/05 10:57am
Msg #30890

"who is hitching a free ride on a man's wallet, would have the cojones to call the man "cheap" if he isn't prepared to spends loads on her."


lol...apparantly another anon poster playing around...sounds like K.H., he 'loved' everything you posted. If a woman is interested in one's company, if doesn't matter what the agenda. That would have been a fun first date and could have been extended if both like each other. If I was attracted to a man, (which I'm not, being happily married) I'd even get together over a glass of sweet tea on his front porch just to chit chat! In fact on my first date with my hubby, I surprised him with about $100.00 of finger foods from my favorite Italian restaurant, after 'I' invited him over for a glass of wine.

Reply by Sylvia_FL on 4/11/05 1:32pm
Msg #30917

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Charm

And you don't even want to know how my husband and I got together)

And everyone said it wouldn't last - well we have been together almost 35years! Guess it is lasting

Reply by ZLee_Califia on 4/11/05 1:36pm
Msg #30918

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Sylvia-Do Tell

You, of all who post here.....I for one would like to know how you and your husband met.

Z

Reply by Sylvia_FL on 4/11/05 1:51pm
Msg #30923

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Sylvia-Do Tell

Very very briefly - the details are not for this board!

But, it was love at first sight, we met one day, moved in together the next day and have been together ever since.

Reply by HisHughness on 4/11/05 4:05pm
Msg #30968

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Sylvia-Do Tell

Well...my B&TW, soon to be my B&TEW, and I met when she was my student at the University of Texas. I noticed that when I noticed her, she always seemed to be walking away. There was a reason she managed to contrive that. Her nickname is PeeBee, which stands for PerkyButt.

When I proposed to her, on Valentine's Day, we were at a gazebo on Town Lake in Austin. I proposed in a sonnet. As I was reading the sonnet, two swans paddled up. As she was accepting, a third swan did a fly-by. Hollywood couldn't have done it better.

We got married at the Statue of Liberty; she, too, had been carrying a torch for a while.

Altogether, it was a storybook romance.

The divorce is more like a script for a horror movie.

Reply by PAW_Fl on 4/11/05 1:55pm
Msg #30927

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Sylvia-Do Tell

My wife and I met at a mutal friends wedding.

Reply by Art_MD on 4/11/05 2:15pm
Msg #30934

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Sylvia-Do Tell

My wife and I met at the unemployment office. Both were unemployed.

Art

Reply by Sylvia_FL on 4/11/05 4:59pm
Msg #30979

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- PAW

"My wife and I met at a mutal friends wedding."

And is Ann still speaking to them??? LOL

Reply by Charm_AL on 4/11/05 1:39pm
Msg #30919

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Charm

Oh yes I do!!! lol

Reply by PAW_Fl on 4/11/05 1:54pm
Msg #30925

Re: Some etiquette instruction, please- Charm

Many said ours wouldn't last either, considering that I met my future wife on April 24th and we were to be married on June 26 in the same year (1971). We had to postpone 1 week though, due to my cousin getting married on 6/26. Anyway, the bets were all placed as to (1) when the first baby would be born (3½ years later) and (2) when the marriage would breakup (not yet!).

I was told by my mother, bless her soul, before we were married, that the first baby comes anytime, the rest all take 9 months!

Reply by christi/socal on 4/11/05 2:24pm
Msg #30938

class goes much further than cash

I agree with Ernest_CT. Give it a little time and try again. The first time my husband asked me out I had to say no and then worried for 2 weeks he wouldn't ask again! He finally asked me to go to a ice cream parlor (inexpensive but sweet).We've been married for almost 25 yrs. Any women whos only interested in the cost of the date is NOT worth dating.

Reply by Righton! on 4/11/05 1:41pm
Msg #30920

HOTNOTARY...I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU!! When we are TRUELY interested as women we don't care how you ask us out! (well within reason)

Reply by hotnotaryNOT on 4/11/05 2:28pm
Msg #30939

maybe hotnotray has cojones!!!!!!

Reply by BrendaTx on 4/11/05 2:46pm
Msg #30946

Re: maybe hotnotray has cojones!!!!!!

Do you mean like in the words of Tone Loc/Funky Cold Medina?

"...Sheena was a man."

Reply by Charm_AL on 4/11/05 2:54pm
Msg #30950

LOL Benda...

I just love this new breed of authors -
sounds like a child looking to interject. Sound familiar?

Hope you had a great weekend, we shopped for and bought patio furniture, chaise lounges, at least $100. in flowers and had a ball! even got a lil sunburn. Had the grill going and friends over! Can't wait for these tomato plants to satisfy my quest for a real home grown tomato!

Reply by Charm_AL on 4/11/05 2:55pm
Msg #30951

Re: LOL Benda...OOPS!...Brenda :)...n/m

Reply by christi/socal on 4/12/05 4:27pm
Msg #31261

that's exactly what I meant!!!!:)

Reply by Stephanie/CA on 4/11/05 11:59am
Msg #30891

Yes

Reply by Stephanie_CA on 4/11/05 12:00pm
Msg #30892

...Yes