Posted by NM_CO on 12/1/05 4:54pm
Msg #79689
OT: For the Pet Lovers on the Board
A LETTER TO YOUR PETS
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son or daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids .they eat less, don't ask for
money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or
drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, won't wear
your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if
they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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Reply by eXpedN_TX on 12/1/05 10:05pm
Msg #79739
California King bed that still doesn't hold me, my 68 pound yellow lab, Jaime, 3 cats, Jordan, Molly, and Oliver....Oliver of course thinks he's a yellow lab (he's orange with stripes), and he is almost as big as a dog. I also have a 75 pound fishtank (freshwater/community fish) with water frogs. Almost every room in my home also has a hepafilter. I own leather furniture so hair doesn't get caught in it's fibers. Insanity at its best! LOL!
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Reply by John_NorCal on 12/2/05 12:20am
Msg #79750
Don't know about you folks, but I had to buy my two girls (yellow labs) their own car. So if you see a green Ford Escape with the license plate OH DOG in Nor Cal you'll know they have arrived. Who said we own dogs, it's the other way around!
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Reply by eXpedN_TX on 12/2/05 9:11am
Msg #79800
Not married. But it doesn't matter where I lay in the Cal King, my dog is like velcro and sometimes I end up turning in bed sideways. I try hard to keep her on her own doggy bed, but as soon as I am off to sleep, she's up there taking over my leg space. It's real fun when she starts running/speaking in her sleep. She makes this faint bark and kicks me.
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