Posted by Melody on 7/13/05 1:39am
Msg #51511

Date a Geek for Fun and Profit

Every NSA who isn't a geek should date a geek. Briefly. Very briefly.

We see lots of posts from desperate NSAs in tech trouble:
~ ~ "What printer do I need for eDocs?"
~ ~ "How can I make my website appear in the top 5 sites on every local notary search?"
~ ~ "I have a printer jam and a signing in 18 minutes. Help!"
~ ~ "What is the best cell phone service bargain for my area and my usage?"
~ ~ "I need html text for my new website."
~ ~ "How do I set up Voip fax to email?"

Geeks have the answers. You need a Geek at your beck and call.
Go on 3 dates with a Geek and he will be your slave for life. I know this.

Geeks are Nice Guys. They are also hopeless with Real Women. Geeks over 35 are very good at being friends to women. Having been on a lot of first dates (with no second dates) they have lots of women acquaintances and women casual friends.

How to Find a Geek
Go to your local "Singles Looking for Dates" website. Specify that you are looking for a straight man over 35 with a college degree. Virtually all the men listed will be lawyers or Geeks. Set up dates with the Geeks. Send the lawyers really nasty emails if you are in the mood.


First date
Rendezvous at your local Starbucks. Ask Geek Man to bring his laptop. Tell him to power down his cell phone so you can focus on HIM (reality: don't let him waste your time by showing off all his phone's tricks).
Ask Geek Man to show you how he maximized his web search engine position. Listen, watch, bat your eyelashes, and double your signings.
By the way: he pays for the lattes. You are cute. You are eye candy. He is neither. He pays.

Before second date
Ask him for advice on eDoc-friendly printers, Voip, etc. Ask via email - the Geek's fav medium for Romantic Communications. Yeah, Right, and Fine.

Second date
Invite Geek Man to your home for coffee and ask him to review your computer for viruses and spyware. Give him a peck on the face cheek for ridding your computer from these demons. Give him a peck on the other face cheek on your doorstep when he leaves. He will blush adorably.

While he is protecting your computer from evil eDragons, be certain to mention that he should be buying all his hardware and software on a Mileage Point Visa card. Tell him to join the Mileage Points program you are on so you get points for referring him. Just happen to have an application form handy.

Four geeks equal one trip to Florence, Italy! I know this!

Third date
Invite Geek Man to your place for tapas and beer. While on the phone, verify that he opened the Mileage Points credit card and made one small purchase to activate it. If he has done neither, reschedule the date.

Once Geek Man has activated the Mileage Points Visa, give him a big kiss on the cheek on your doorstep. Then invite him in to back up your data onto CDs. Watch him work. Voice "Ah!" and "Cool!" at appropriate times.

Arrange for a shy female nerd friend to come to your home one hour past the time the third date starts.
Surprise, surprise!
Introduce the nerds to each other and stuff them both with tapas and beer. Lots of beer. You sit in the armchair. They share the sofa.

If Nerd Girlfriend works out, ask Geek Man for more advice via email. If Nerd Girlfriend does not work out, set Geek Man up with another Nerd Girlfriend. Repeat until Geek Man is dating Nerd Girlfriend more than 3 times. If you run out of Nerd Girlfriends, tap your local referral resources.


Adjustment for gay male nerds
This tactic also works very well for gay men. Make the appropriate gender substitutions to the above text.
Upgrade "tapas and beer" to "hors d' oeuvres and cocktails."
Gay men cannot be bought as easily as straight guys. Do not underestimate this.

Reply by CaliNotary on 7/13/05 2:07am
Msg #51514

Very cute, but I do take issue with the gay male stereotype at the end of it.

The correct stereotype is sex. No matter what anybody says, no matter how he presents himself, all gay men really are interested in is getting in each other's pants. Find out which porn sites the gay geek surfs, find a gay nerd who has that look (and there's always a specific type, trust me), sit them in a way that they have a clear view of each other's crotches and you're good to go.

Reply by Melody on 7/13/05 2:14am
Msg #51516

I stand corrected.

How could I say more! You are right!

Reply by CFW on 7/13/05 5:57am
Msg #51523

Although i'm not not nor am I a man, I find your input in BAD TASTE

Reply by CaliNotary on 7/13/05 4:10pm
Msg #51747

"I find your input in BAD TASTE"

My mistake. I forgot to add the part that a Yanni CD should be playing in the background. Ain't nothing classier than that!

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 7:36am
Msg #51530

And, a "Real Woman" who finds a good Geek Man, and is smart enough to realize what she's got is not only "real," she's a Real Smart Woman!

There are a few interesting things about Geek Men that not all women know...and I'll never tell...Long Live the Geek!

Thank you for that fun post, Melody!

Reply by Dogmonger, Ca on 7/13/05 8:52am
Msg #51546

Rock the boat their Brenda

Inquiring minds want to know:-o

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 8:58am
Msg #51549

Re: Rock the boat - Uh oh...

Do I hear a stampede rushing for corporate IT departments throughout the USA?

Reply by Charm_AL on 7/13/05 9:06am
Msg #51554

Re: Rock the boat - Uh oh...

ya'll just better steer clear of my IT manager hybby!

Reply by rfeliciano on 7/13/05 9:01am
Msg #51552

You made me laugh this morning, thank you!

and
btw I married a geek...he is handsome and wonderful! LOL!

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 9:07am
Msg #51555

You and Charm must both be "Real Smart Women!"

Reply by IrisWA on 7/13/05 9:45am
Msg #51570

Hilarious! Thanks for the giggles, Melody! n/m

Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 7/13/05 10:06am
Msg #51577

Re: Hilarious! Thanks for the giggles, Melody! n/m

Or you could do what I did. Find yourself at hot young stud when your young and let him turn himself into a geek over time. My hubby worked as an electrician then put in 10 years as a machinist. He's now called Technical Solutions Engineer. He's not so young (neither am I) but still is a hot stud, so all my bases are covered.

But dang Melody that was funny.

Reply by Cris_AR on 7/13/05 11:27am
Msg #51606

IMO it is not nice to make fun, my youngest might be considered a geek by some, he is smart enough not to fall for your idea.
At times the atmosphere seems so childish in here, a professional forum?

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 1:04pm
Msg #51653

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

Since when did professionals never have a moment of lightheartedness? This is a professional FORUM not a professional DUNGEON.


I live in the land of the TAMU Aggies...my son works for TAMU...my whole life is surrounded by men with pocket protectors. God Bless ALL of those hunky brains.

Aggies come in two varieties (or a hybrid of the two) - there are nerds and there are geeks.

And, as I lovingly tell HisHughness (who lives in the town surrounding the campus of the University of Texas)...

What do you call an Aggie four years out of college?

You call him (or her) BOSS!

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 2:25pm
Msg #51696

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

After all the steam from yesterday, I think we all needed a little lightheartedness --

Reply by Cris_AR on 7/13/05 2:56pm
Msg #51705

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

IMO it was not lightheartedness, we all see things in different ways.
Name calling (yes Geeks and Gays) and making fun is not my idea of "funny".
Shallow maybe, again MY opinion.

Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 7/13/05 3:06pm
Msg #51707

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

Oh good grief Cris. Melody should be writing for SNL, Dave Chappelle, or Comedy Network. I could totaly see that turned into a roflmbo skit.

Reply by Cris_AR on 7/13/05 3:42pm
Msg #51731

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

Ok,last I will post on this subject, I find it offensive to others, that is my opinion. Hey if it amuses you, have a ball, I find it in very bad taste for a professional?? board.
I am not going to go back and forth with this, so grade school. (imo)

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 3:52pm
Msg #51736

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

Fine, you find it offensive -- but why are you still reading the offensive thread?

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 11:46pm
Msg #51902

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up ...More OT

And, one has to wonder why would Cris term one of his/her children as a geek if it was name calling? I assume my kids are perfect and that no one would use negative terms toward them.

Changing topics...

I started watching "Band of Brothers" tonight. What an EXCELLENT mini-series.

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 3:21pm
Msg #51715

Re: to Chris_AR

How many of the posts in this Date a Geek thread have you read? The word *Geek* was in the subject heading. If it offended you so, why didn't you just pass by the entire thread without looking at any of it?

You are right and we all see things differently. Would it surprise you that that at least one *Gay* individual posted -- maybe more? Oh, my!

Reply by TitleGalCA on 7/13/05 3:30pm
Msg #51720

Who's Gay?????

and - is that the most politically correct name? That's what Cris is having a problem with...so politically correct that others can't have fun....snore....

Thanks for the laugh Melody.

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 3:39pm
Msg #51726

Re: Who's Gay?????

I'm not telling you who it is -- if they want, they can tell you.

I wanted to pointed out the fact to Chris because even though this is 2005, I'm sure she was having more of a problem with *gay* as opposed to *geek*

-- oh, gee -- what if they are both gay and geekie?

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 3:42pm
Msg #51728

Re: Sheesh -- I'm giving this keyboard back to Sam !! n/m

Reply by TitleGalCA on 7/13/05 3:52pm
Msg #51735

Kidding Carolyn...sloooow day at work...

just trying to liven up my afternoon abit....w/OT humor.

I meant it about the political correctness tho, people take it so far, you can't have any fun for fear of 'disrespecting'. It gets boring!

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 4:05pm
Msg #51743

Re: Kidding Carolyn...sloooow day at work...

It's a slow day for me too for both signings and secretarial. I've been working in the yard, but it's just too dang hot.

Agreed that people are too sensitive -- just work for attorneys and that will snap em out of it. I know that no one will ever believe that I *once* was quiet and shy and wouldn't say *sh*t* if I had a mouthful, but that all changed after being in an abusive relationship, being a single parent and raising a baby by myself for the first 4 years of his life, and then getting hooked up with attorneys. I blame my say-it-like-it-is on the attorneys, but I believe it's a combination of all the above.

People have to learn to lighten up -- and to laugh at your own self.

Reply by TitleGalCA on 7/13/05 4:20pm
Msg #51756

Re: Kidding Carolyn...sloooow day at work...

Nothing wrong with being straightforward - one of the things I like about getting closer to the mid century mark in my life, is that I can say what I think and if others don't like it - ooh well - I'm 'older'. Tolerate me. (I'm going to have a Tshirt made with that saying on it - "tolerate me")

And I know well where you come from...been there once too. What doesn't break ya, makes you stronger (or some other stupid bs we tell ourselves) - if I could do it all over again, I'd rather be a Hilton

And, I may have to do more than laugh at myself...when everybody takes the post 'who's gay' as verbatim...good grief - all the politically correct hounds of the notrot board with be at my jugular.

Stay cool in the heat! some areas of socal are sizzlin today - I'm glad for my location today, but the trade off is eternal "june gloom" at the ocean. Will the sun ever shine in the morning again???

Reply by CaliNotary on 7/13/05 4:17pm
Msg #51753

It ain't me!

I'm drinking a beer, browsing playboy.com while the big game is playing in the background. And on the commercial breaks I'm fixing my car and scratching myself. It's totally ruining my manicure but that's ok because it gives me an excuse to go back and get my eybrows shaped as well. Girl, I can't believe how out of control they get in such a short amount of.......

Ummmm, I mean goooooo Michael Jordan, way to score that touchdown!

Reply by TitleGalCA on 7/13/05 4:24pm
Msg #51763

Re: It ain't me!

Swear to god - I never thought it for one minute!!

(you are sooo funny - *goooooo Michael Jordan, way to score that touchdown* I'm truly laughing out loud).

See, my afternoon just got better. I love NotRot.

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 4:29pm
Msg #51768

Re: It ain't me!

And I'm wearing my coveralls (or are they overalls?). I've dug a french drain in the back yard, gone and got a pickup load of gravel - shoveled it out of the pickup, went back and got a load of dirt which I just shoveled out. I did find my glasses that I lost two years ago under the tool box in the bed of the truck. The lenses are shot, but the frames are still good. I still have to mow the front/back yard (I hate trash days on Thursday), but have to hold off until this evening because it is a high-ozone day. We won't even talk about my manicure after today.

And I still have to cook supper.

Reply by SamIam_CA on 7/13/05 5:29pm
Msg #51783

Re: Who's Gay?????

I think you mean hetrosexually-challenged...

Reply by CaliNotary on 7/13/05 4:13pm
Msg #51749

Re: Date a Geek...Heck,. Lighten up Cris_AR.

"Name calling (yes Geeks and Gays) and making fun is not my idea of 'funny' "

Since when is referring to gay people as gay considered name calling? Calling a gay peroson a faggot is name calling, calling a gay person gay is just stating a fact. Learn the difference.