Posted by AngelinaAZ on 7/12/05 8:38pm
Msg #51427

OT - A funny thing happened on

the way to a signing.

I am on my way back from the grocery store last Friday evening, my 4 year old son is in the backseat. We pass through a Border Patrol Checkpoint where they were doing an ‘increased security’ check where they ask for ID and peer into the back of the SUV with Flashlights. My son… the ever inquisitive one says… “What are they looking for Mommy?” I say, “Why don’t you ask the patrolman sweetie.” So my son asks him and the young officer says, ‘We’re looking for illegal aliens and weapons of mass destruction.” My sons eyes grow wide and I chuckle as he peers up at the sky in wonderment… Looking for aliens I expect. He asks the officer… “Will you take the aliens away?” The officer says… “Yes little man, we will” As I pull away my son asks me…”My daddy works on weapons doesn’t he?” I say, “Yep” He says, “Why?” And I say… “Well because that’s what he’s good at.” He says… “Do weapons kill people?” (I don’t want him thinking Daddy is a killer so I say… well kiddo, they can kill people but mostly they just scare people). I think I should have come up with a better answer.

So this morning I had an early signing and my son puts his special stuff in his backpack and loads it into the back of the SUV next to my briefcase. We are on the way to pre-school and we stop again at the Border Checkpoint. There is no big inspection this time so I just roll down my window to state my citizenship and my son shouts to the officer. “I have a liggle alien. He’s my friend. We put him in the back so you won’t find him and take him away.” Now the officers are totally on point. Two of them step immediately to the side of the vehicle and one points to the ‘go through your car with a fine toothed comb’ area and says… ‘Ma’am would you please park your car over there and shut off your engine.” I am stumped… speechless at what my son just popped off with and I get out of the car and wait for the officers to open everything up. My son is now getting stressed and he’s asking me…”Are they going to take away my liggle alien Momma?” Now obviously I don’t have an illegal alien in my car and the officers soon find my son’s Stitch stuffed animal (from Lilo and Stitch) and realize what the fuss is about. They chuckle... and I’m about to get back in the car when my son pops off with…”My daddy makes ‘weaponsass instructions’ cause he’s really good at it. His weapons sometimes kill people… but mostly they just scare people. We don’t have any in our car today though.” My mouth is kind of hanging open and the officer starts cracking up and says… “Well if your mom ever comes through here with any ‘weaponsass instructions’ in her car you be sure to let us know OK.” My son says excitedly…”Yep I will… woooo hoooo!”

Reply by missy_socal on 7/12/05 8:43pm
Msg #51430

I'm literally cracking up here....

That is one of the funniest things ever. It's one of those Murphy's laws things...your kid will always pop off with the one thing you truly would NEVER have them say in public.

Those checkpoints always make me nervous. I feel instantly guilty of SOMETHING...anything!

Reply by TitleGalCA on 7/12/05 8:44pm
Msg #51431

Adorable!.....

Wish my 25 yr old (uh, I was but a mere 'chile when I had her) would get on with it, marry the guy (loong engagement) and give me some GRANDBABIES!! I'm jealous!!

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/12/05 10:35pm
Msg #51461

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

This is precious Angelina. My son was also very inquisitive. In addition to having a photographic memory he also never forgot a thing he heard. He was probably in kindergarden when I came home from work one night to tell my husband that I found out that day that I didn't like crab meat. Long story short, it was my office manager's birthday and about 6 of us were taking her out to lunch. That day I ended up only having $10 or $15 and no credit card with me, so I began looking for the cheapest thing on the menu. There were mushrooms stuffed with crab meat for $5.00 or something like that. I thought great, I'll have money left for either the tip or to chip in for the office manager's lunch. I had never eaten crab meat before -- over time, I've learned to really like the taste of crab meat. He must have been within earshot when I told my husband about the lunch. A few months later we are eating at a favorite mexican restaurant which is always crowded, but generally quiet. Just out of mid air he says "Mom, remember when you had the crabs?" My husband never missed a beat with his fork-to-mouth motion, never looked up and never said a word. That was the last time we ate there. My son is now 29 -- I wonder if enough time has passed that we won't be recognized?

Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 7/13/05 12:48am
Msg #51501

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

Oh those were priceless. When my son was 4 he walked into the kitchen where I was frying up some bacon. He looked at me and said "Mom... sometimes when you make me bacon... I think your Farmer John".

Reply by ChristiSocal on 7/13/05 12:56am
Msg #51505

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

Those are great! LOL You should both write to readers digest, they pay for funny things like that, and those are better than alot I've read!

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 7:55am
Msg #51533

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

When my son was about eight, I took him to our family doctor. Dr. B asked him the worn out old question: What do you want to be when you grow up?

My son replied, "a medical malpractice attorney."

Reply by Charm_AL on 7/13/05 9:20am
Msg #51561

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

Last Halloween, I took my then 2 year old to get a costume. We came back and she wanted to model it for Daddy, so up we go to try her Tinkerbell dress on...it was adorable and she looked like a princess with her Barbie blond hair and sparkly wand, so sweet.
We come down to show Daddy, whom is in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee, when she exclaims "Daddy! I'm Tinkerbell!" and he turns around to see her and says "Oh you look so Beautiful!" So she starts running around in a circle and after a few laps, stops dead in her tracks and yells "I CAN'T FLY DAMMIT!!!"

Reply by BP_WV on 7/13/05 9:26am
Msg #51563

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

LOL....my four your old refers to the local Dollar General as Dollar Genital.

Reply by BrendaTX on 7/13/05 10:22am
Msg #51585

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

Good one, BP...my son called "Service Merchandise"

Servants and Merchandise

Reply by CarolynCO on 7/13/05 10:51am
Msg #51595

Re: OT - Out of the mouths of babes

When my son was small and wanted something and I would tell him that I didn't have the money, he would say "just go to the slot machine" i.e, ATM machine.

Reply by Charm_AL on 7/13/05 10:59am
Msg #51599

Then there's my Mom...

After a good laugh at the *I can't fly Dammit!!!*
We decided to call her TinkerHell...my hubby carved a scarey cat on a pumkin. We took a digital pic and shrunk and pasted it to her cute pic all dressed up, as her halloween candy holder. At the bottom of the pic he writes "Tinkerhell" and sends it to everyone via e-mail. Now, my Mom works for the Chicago Board of Education and we send it to her at work. As with all the pics we send she proudly prints them out and hangs them in her office.
However, before she hangs this one she shows it off to everyone. Well, later on that evening I call and ask her if she got the pic, she laughs and says "Yes i did! It was so cute!" I ask, "did you like the caption?" She says "Tinkerbell? that was a neat picture, I showed it around." I told her no, it said Tinkerhell and after a long pause she says...'OMG, I wondered why people were looking funny" I really need to wear my glasses more often"....

Reply by katydyd_ny on 7/13/05 10:14am
Msg #51580

Though I am certian you didn't think so at the time, that is an adorable (and hilarious) story!

Reply by BMoon/FL on 7/13/05 10:43am
Msg #51590

Youngest daughter used to beg for Ken****y Fried Chicken. She is a grown up now and would kill me for telling this. When son was about 4 he was playing in the yard and started screaming. I ran out to see a huge dog with him. I asked if the dog bit him. He said "No, but he tasted me!!!!" Kids, you gotta love em.