Posted by AngelinaAZ on 6/27/05 11:22am
Msg #48124
Can I get a poll on partaking of the goodies?
I read a post below which brought up a question I've had for a while.
There are many times when a borrower has snacks, desserts or other stuff waiting for me.
On one of my 1st signings...a morning one... the sweet couple had coffee and coffeecake waiting... they let me know they got it just for me and they really hoped I would like it. They wanted to serve it first... before the signing... I felt like I had to say 'yes'. So they hand me a plate and I take a few bites as Mr. B starts perusing his copies. Just as I am taking a sip of the delicious coffee he sees the closing costs and starts cussing up a storm and making comments that bring me vivid images of prison life in Attaca. The wife immediately showed up at her husbands side... the coffeecake magically disappears off the table (even my piece) and I end up spilling some coffee on my shirt (which is one of the reasons why I didn't want to partake in the first place). I felt very uncomfortable. They were looking at me like I was a trusted friend eating breakfast at their house and I had betrayed them and stabbed them in the back. I tried to explain my role but it was just lame...
So that's when I started carrying my own water, sweetly declining offers of food and snacks, and STARTING off the signing with an explanation of who I am.
I don't know... every time it comes up I feel like they feel I am being rude or stuck up, and it comes up at least once or twice a week.
Once I tried declining with an excuse of...'Oh that smells so good I would love some but I better not. I have a busy day and if I spill on myself I will really regret it.' The wife proceeded to cover me with napkins and paper towels and I ended up sitting there looking like Queen Elizabeth with that THING around her neck! I didn't do that again.
How many of you partake? Does it always work out fine?
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Reply by cfl1 on 6/27/05 11:26am
Msg #48126
They offer things, but I don't partake. I am nice about it, and they are never offended.
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Reply by Charm_AL on 6/27/05 11:27am
Msg #48127
it was a first for me and I ate a few things only because she went thru the trouble and expense of putting it together. I would rather just get thru the signing and be gone.
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Reply by AngelinaAZ on 6/27/05 12:40pm
Msg #48164
I'm not ragging. I think it's great that you did it with such finesse. It sounds like you had a great time. I don't know where you are in AL but if your area is anything like mine, the people WANT you to have something... they almost don't trust you if you don't.
I also had to tone down my really expensive suits and go to something more simple. People out here don't trust lawyers, bankers or politicians. They are more apt to keep their money under their mattress than in a bank.
I know that many of you are in the big city where the people want you to get out of there as much as you want to leave... but here in the country... it's all about trust... they want to make up their mind about you before they sign a thing! It just creates a different situation.
In some of the homes I've been to... as much as I would like to use PAW's approach, if I did I'd get tossed out!
Title Gal's got a good one... I think I can make that one work for me. I just know if I mentioned a food allergy I'd have to hear about everything from diabetes to diverticulitus and more!!!
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Reply by Philem_OH on 6/27/05 11:28am
Msg #48129
<laugh> The Elizabeth THING is called a "ruff." Not being harsh, but triva is a speciality of mine. :-)
Now, as to your question, I find that the simplest way to dodge this is to say, "Gosh, thank you so much, but I can't. Dietary issues, you know," and roll my eyes somewhat at the doctors that are causing me to turn down what is OBVIOUSLY the best pastry/cake/coffee ever in the history of eating.
Also, I do the same thing about setting expectations on my role from the outset. I find it's easier to get that done up front, so when they start reading and possibly becoming upset, I'm not a betraying friend, but a friendly ear and stenographer as I write down their complain/question for a marathon call to the LO.
HTH
-J
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Reply by TitleGalCA on 6/27/05 11:29am
Msg #48130
Queen Elizabeth with that THING around her neck LOL
Here's how I excuse myself..."thank you so much, but I learned years ago how easily something can spill on and stain the documents...these have to be recorded you know..."
works for me, then they suddenly realize the 'sanctity' of the docs 
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Reply by DB/RI on 6/27/05 11:30am
Msg #48131
I usually politely decline (i.e. I've already had breakfast, lunch, whatever), even if they are persistent. I did have one borrower buy me a pastry from the whole foods store down the road from his home - just for me - and he gave it to me for the road. So, I didn't have to refuse and I could throw it away if I wanted (lots of crazies out there!)
As for drinks, I tell them "No, I have a drink in the car. Besides, I'm afraid I would spill all over the paperwork and that would not be a good thing." This usually satisfies them.
If all else fails, you could fib and tell them you have a allergy and cannot eat whatever it is they are offering.
Good luck next time!
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Reply by Ernest_CT on 6/27/05 11:47am
Msg #48142
Never partake.
I am always polite, but always refuse everything. Even water.
The other suggestions offered here are great! "Dietary restrictions" has such a nice ring to it. It could mean medical, religious, or anything else.
I get especially uncomfortable when one of the borrowers is having an alcoholic beverage. It may steady their nerves, but ....
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Reply by Brijoe_WA on 6/27/05 12:00pm
Msg #48149
Re: Never partake.
I am offered water, tea, coffee alot. I sometimes take them up on the water as I get a dry throught sometimes when I am talking alot. I have never been offered pastries, or food of any sort. Maybe they take a look at me and figure I dont need anymore sweets...lol. Although I did have one couple give me a jar of homemade huckleberry jam which I took home, I am a sucker for huckleberrys.
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Reply by PAW_Fl on 6/27/05 11:58am
Msg #48146
I simply state, "No thank you, but I appreciate the offer." I don't dwell on the topic and don't make any statement about dietary conditions, or anything. Short, sweet and simple. I immediately follow by asking them for their driver's license.
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Reply by BLE on 6/27/05 11:59am
Msg #48148
I'm diabetic and live to watch intake, etc. This always works and no one is offended.
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Reply by PAW_Fl on 6/27/05 12:16pm
Msg #48155
I too am a diabetic plus have CAD and DJD, so I have to watch my intake as well. Unfortunately, I just watch it. And it settles right in the middle. But, I always tell the doctor I'm in shape. After all, round is a shape.
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Reply by Stephanie_CA on 6/27/05 2:29pm
Msg #48207
Re: Can I get a poll on partaking of the goodies?Cute PAW
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Reply by Julie-MI on 6/27/05 7:02pm
Msg #48279
I agree with you Paul.
Sometimes these folks, especially new folks to the USA get really offended if you don't drink really strong black coffee from their pretty cups. This is when I don't make as much eye contact and am grateful for my suit to make me look more down to business type.
An idiosyncrasy of mine is that I don't like to eat other people's homemade food. I've seen too many cats walking the counters and people licking their fingers and putting them back into the cookie dough. I would gag if I ate one of the cookies and there was a hair in it.
Yuck! No bake sales for me.
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Reply by missy_socal on 6/27/05 12:07pm
Msg #48151
Shout Wipes here I come...
As out of character is it for me to actually turn down the offer of something delicious...
I usually just politely turn them down with a 'no, but thank you!'. Although, a nice bottle of water, set on a napkin is always nice.
If I were being dead honest, it would be because I am a bit of a klutz. I KNOW that whatever they are offering will either end up on my lap, their carpet, or their DOT. ;-)
Did someone just post that they sat down for barbeque ribs with the borrowers??
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Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 6/27/05 12:42pm
Msg #48165
Re: Shout Wipes here I come...
if I remember correctly... The borrowers just got a new grill and the husband couldn't wait to play with his new toy and was finishing up the ribs as the notary got there so they asked the notary if he minded sitting down and eating with them first. After they ate they signed.
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Reply by Ernest_CT on 6/27/05 12:57pm
Msg #48169
Yup; and during the meal ...
... the notary was asked if he (?) knew where the non-profit could get office equipment. We had a discussion about the propriety of doing other business with a borrower, and consensus was that since the borrower had brought it up there was no problem..
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Reply by Fay, CA on 6/27/05 1:03pm
Msg #48170
Since I am originally from the MidWest, if I offer you something, you are my enemy if you don't break bread with me. It is the same thing as letting the dog or cat smell your hand when you first walk in to the house. You are a stranger to the cat or dog, the borrowers, the neighbors (especially the nosey neighbors), and their first inclination is to identify you. Are you friend or foe? It is a practice from the caveman days. However, it is your right to accept or decline the offer.
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Reply by CarolynCO on 6/27/05 1:13pm
Msg #48173
Re: Pets
**It is the same thing as letting the dog or cat smell your hand when you first walk in to the house.**
I am a dog lover and not a cat lover. However, last Thursday on my way inside Borrower's house, I held my hand down for two little yelping dogs to smell me. Fortunately, I was quick to pull it back before I lost a finger as one of the dogs was able to get only a slight taste with a nip. Borrower simply replied "Oh, Precious doesn't like strangers in the house." I would have thought that would have been his first indication to relocate the dog before I got inside the house. The other dog jumped in my lap which is where he stayed the entire signing, while the unfriendly one snarled at my feet the entire signing.
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Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 6/27/05 1:31pm
Msg #48178
Re: Pets
Having had a series of dogs most of my life and as a responsible pet owner that would really tick me off. If Bowser doesn't like strangers and is inclined to nip then the owner should have had him relocated before you got there. But what adds insult to injury is that they didn't immediately put them out after the nipping. I never offer my hand without asking first if it's okay. Just because my dog is well behaved and I can't predict for the most part how she will act doesn't mean others train thier dogs.
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Reply by Dee-FL on 6/27/05 1:32pm
Msg #48179
I have said, "No Thank you" in a kind but gracious way only to have the husband or wife say, "non-sense" and put the drink or snack in front of me. In order, to not be rude, I usually, say, "Thank you, take 1 sip, slide the cup/snack to the side and proceed with the signing. At the end of the signing everyone is satisfied. I was rude and they feel good because I took a sip or a nip.
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Reply by Dee-FL on 6/27/05 1:32pm
Msg #48180
OOPPPPPSSS, I mean I WASN'T RUDE...and everyone is happy.
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Reply by Nancy in Florida on 6/27/05 1:38pm
Msg #48183
I have had borrowers offer me dinner, stating they made extra just for me. They always offer me a drink of water or ice tea or whatever they have. I always decline for the very reason that AngelinaZ stated, I am not their friend and I am not there to socialize I am there for a business transaction. Having the signing in their home already takes some of the professionalism out of it, I do not want to compound by sitting at their home eating and drinking.
Once I was offered a bottled water, it was a very hot day and the signing was a long way from home and in the middle of nowhere, I did accept that water, I said that will be great, I will need it for the ride home. I didn't open it until after I was in my car. I also had a signing at a coffee shop and the owners were refinancing their home, I did get a Latte, which I paid for and it was great, it is close to my house and I will frequent their establishment often!
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Reply by christi/socal on 6/27/05 2:53pm
Msg #48219
I always just laugh and say no thank you, I'm too much
of a kultz and I know I will end up spilling, but thank you VERY much for the offer. Laughing (at myself) always seems to put borrowers at ease.
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Reply by Barry/FL on 6/27/05 2:53pm
Msg #48220
I thank the borrowers for their offer, and I politely decline. I am a bit overweight, so I can usually point to my belly and try something humorous. I bring in my own water as well.
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Reply by BrendaTX on 6/27/05 6:47pm
Msg #48272
If they seem like the right type, I say: "Oh, I never drink on the job!" or "That's against the rules of the notary police...liquid and loan docs don't mix."
Laughter...then I explain that it's fine if they would like to drink...it's one thing if they spill...it's their documents. If I spill, that's quite another story. I follow it up with: I have a fridge and drinks in my car.
I find that by not drinking it gets them focused on the job at hand. And, seriously, it kind of disturbs me if people have drinks on the table. I cannot focus on the signing and worry about turning over drinks.
My comments above usually bring them to understand that it's best not to drink and sign.
PS - I have actually accepted a drink twice, but only water. That's the best way for me. I will accept a canned drink to go if they reallllllly want to push it.
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Reply by MsRobboPA on 6/27/05 7:27pm
Msg #48292
I have had a few closings where the borrowers are either drinking beer or wine (especially on a Saturday) and they keep filling up the whole time that the closing is taking place. One couple had a beermeister in the closet (what a hoot). I hoped that they would remember that they had signed for a loan when they got up the next day!
As for the borrowers with goodies I usally just politely decline and most aren't offended. Even though I feel like digging in if it's been a long day and I haven't had time to eat much.
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Reply by AngelinaAZ on 6/27/05 11:41pm
Msg #48377
Re: I love this!!
**"Oh, I never drink on the job!" or "That's against the rules of the notary police...liquid and loan docs don't mix."**
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