Posted by Melody on 5/21/05 1:31am
Msg #39470

Brenda ..... I need you

After 4 signings today I am tired.

Would you please post a few smart a** remarks to amuse me?

And please bust someone who needs to be taken down a peg. You were the first one to notice Luis as being an employee of FASS. I just trumped you because I thought I should start a message thread headline to bust him royally.

Don't forget to post an impossibly looooong explanation of something.

How are the French Ho's?

Reply by BrendaTX on 5/21/05 2:24am
Msg #39475

The first question is... OT

What the heck are you doing up this late? I realize it is only 11:31 pm there...but since you are up prowling around at this hour (Texas time) I am unable to sleep. Keeping watch. And, eventually, people are going to wonder about my French friends you have referred to.

BECAUSE YOU SAID: *Don't forget to post an impossibly looooong explanation of something.
How are the French Ho's?* I WILL REPLY.

Okay...here it is, in long form...

Earlier, I had a problem with my dogs getting fleas. I used lots of official looking tonics, and I spent a fortune on those drops from the vet. I nearly drowned the dogs washing them, but finally, I ran across an article that said to put Lavendar Essential Oil on the dogs brush and brush it into their coats regularly. Well...I make soap, so of course, I have a ready stock of EO's in case the mood hits me to mix up lye and oil. But, I digress...and let me take that a step further!

I have enough tools and fun hobby materials stored here so when I get tired of making soap, I can whip out my Viking Designer 1 and a few bolts of material I have put away, if you'd like to make a new wardrobe, or drapes for the local Hilton...or, we can use the computer to design logos, digitize portraits, and then put them on the sewing maching to embroider them on shirts, hats, tote bags, or we could applique things...or...I can crochet any number of afghans, loan you knitting needles I have never used, or we can use my collection of playing cards to arrange a Spades game for 1200....enough maps of Texas so we could paper the walls...and that might be a good idea, because I love maps.

If you'd like we can till a small space, plant a tomato garden, a flower garden, and then paint pictures of them with water colors, pastels or oils...we can use my acrylic paints and sponges to paint checkered patterns on everything in sight...liven up that old black TV set...give it some personality. Feel like a health kick? We can get out the juicer and treadmill so we can pretend to be Jack La Lane...want me to check the fluids in your car? Change your oil? Clean your gun? How about a trip to the local indoor gun range to shoot pistols? It's right next to the Starbucks...we can buy exotic coffee beans, blend and grind them.

Let's do some bead art, cross stitch, refinish furniture and after we get through with that, let's give each other a perm, dye our hair, do our nails and gab some more about the dogs and how I got rid of their fleas with Lavendar EO and made my house smell good, to boot.

Thus, my off-handed remark about my Notary Security Dogs smelling like French Ho's...except I think I said "French Ladies of the Night."

Now...with all that I have to do, is it any wonder that I don't sleep much? But, when I do finally sleep, I hibernate. BTW, I only drink one cup of coffee every morning.

Was that long enough for you Smart Mouth Melody??

Reply by BrendaTX on 5/21/05 2:27am
Msg #39476

You had four / I had three...two tomorrow. n/m

Reply by Nd_WA on 5/21/05 2:36am
Msg #39478

Brenda, did I missed something?

"You were the first one to notice Luis as being an employee of FASS"

It's been like eom for me since the first of this month (26 so far), hasn't had time to even lurk the boards. Could you chime me in?

Reply by BrendaTX on 5/21/05 3:00am
Msg #39482

Re: Brenda, did I missed something?

Start with the thread beginning w/ Msg #38770 - Luis from FASS (I guess) started dogging notaries to take cheap signings. His IP was showing.

Later, Melody posted about it also in another thread.

Reply by christi/socal on 5/21/05 4:10am
Msg #39489

Brenda, WHERE do you get all that energy????

I'm tired just reading all that you do......I'm going to bed now... yawwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn

Reply by Melody on 5/21/05 1:10pm
Msg #39518

Ain't she a miracle?

I give Brenda 7 puny sentences asking for entertainment. She gives us enough images of her in action to create several TV shows.

First, she takes us to Animal Planet to watch "Dr. Brenda, Medicine Woman" show us how to let mother nature heal our dogs.

Then she's off to The Science Channel to scare us with flesh-searing images of working with lye and oil.

Next, Brenda whips out her machine gun filled with thread and zooms to Home & Garden TV: "The Interminable-ator" followed by "Insensible Chic." She uses enough sewing and crafts supplies to empty a Michael's store.

Then she flies to the Discovery - Home channel to let us watch her "Paint This House - The Entire House - Inside and Out."

Not limited herself to just a few channels, Brenda broadcasts her home health infomercials from many, many stations. Kathy Ireland and Tony Riddle are nothing compared to our Brenda.

But my favorite Brenda Show is on the ABC Family-and-Violence channel. We see our intrepid notary at the firing range in "Brenda, Texas Ranger."

Reply by BrendaTx on 5/21/05 10:06pm
Msg #39561

I like it!!!!

*Brenda, Texas Ranger*

Funny you should mention this...

The movie I have watched the most times: Lonesome Dove....would love lifesize poster with both, or either of the two hunky Texas Rangers: Captain Augustus McCrae (Duvall) and Captain Woodrow Call (Tommy Lee Jones)...retro----fifteen years ago, of course

And, while we are at it, I would also like to run a pitch by A&E to add "Brenda, The Notary Public" as an aside to the "Dog, The Bounty Hunter" show...maybe do a spin off...live and work in Hawaii...start a signing service with the bailbondsmen from his group...never have a no-sign...learn to call everyone "Bra" ... wear a black band on my arm...maybe even get his wife to help me upgrade my wardrobe.

Reply by laura_nh on 5/21/05 11:59pm
Msg #39566

Brenda, you are a hoot!!!!!!! n/m

Reply by Carl_CA on 5/22/05 6:54pm
Msg #39604

Re: Brenda, you are a hoot!!!!!!! n/m

I enjoy the posts of Brenda and Melody. Not only are they humorous and generally filled with good information but both of them can SPELL and PUNCTUATE: attributes that are sorely lacking in many of the posts.

Reply by BrendaTx on 5/23/05 4:25am
Msg #39639

Re: Brenda, you are a hoot!!!!!!! n/m

Thank you so much Laura and Carl, but please do not encourage me. It's dangerously compelling...like a field trip to Harrah's for recovering gamblers...like free pints of Bluebell at a Weight Watcher's meetings...like the way an open henhouse door seduces an egg-sucking dog.