Posted by JanetK_CA on 11/17/05 12:54pm
Msg #77214
OT - A Thanksgiving to remember...
I just had to share this.... (A little long, but I thought it was worth it!) :-)
> Jasper and the uncooked yeast rolls - by Ann Jeffries
> We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came
> to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier
> rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar
> with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10
> year old child whom you know nothing about and
> committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
> Like a child, the dog came with his own
> idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top
> of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can
> get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
> Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,'
> I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means
> to break him of this habit including locking him in a
> separate bedroom for several! nights. The new door
> cost over $200. But I digress.
>
> Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although
> the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was
> 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking
> Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of
> friends that I like more than family most of the time.
> I was however assigned the task of preparing 124 of my
> famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving
> feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the
> electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so
> quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn
> house that worked, thus the assignment.
>
> I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday
> evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the
> kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor.
> Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams
> latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and
> set them in the living room to rise for five hours.
> After three hours, Perry and I decided to go out to
> eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the
> rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 PM
> when I went to the living room to retrieve the pans.
> Much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty.
> I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a
> reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked
> like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the
> Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when
> he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran
> to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds
> of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would
> probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto
> Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
>
> God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto
> Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.
> Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog
> was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to
> lift him onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking
> the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid
> on my part. We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first
> thing; put the dogs out to relieve themselves. Well,
> the damn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first
> leave. He was running into walls and falling flat on
> his butt. Most of the time when he was walking, his
> front half was going in one direction and the other
> half was either dragging the floor or headed 90
> degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg
> to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same
> time. When he ran down the small incline in our back
> yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up
> running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he
> was as dizzy as a loon.
>
> I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet
> (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that
> the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was
> indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most
> binges we humans go through, it would wear off after
> about 4 or 5 hours! Also we had to keep giving him
> Pepto Bismol.
>
> Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and
> I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's
> house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My
> sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15
> minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk [124
> less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto
> the console of the car between Perry and I, we took
> off.
>
> Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp,
> but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of
> risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps
> were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat
> any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But
> that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to
> fart, and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me
> dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
> for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't
> live any further away than she did.
>
> Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage
> with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our
> first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the
> topic of conversation all morning long and everyone
> made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each
> returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to
> walk without running into something. Of course, as the
> old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and
> Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me
> that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you
> might as well have put a concrete block up my behind.
>
> But alas a dog's digestive system is quite different
> from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed
> blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house.
> Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor,
> we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the
> floor. This was another naive decision on our part.
> The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the
> floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast
> from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning
> to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with
> a shovel.
>
> I (obviously no one else was going to offer their
> services) had to get on my hands and knees with a
> coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And
> as if this wasn't degrading enough, the damn dog in
> his drunken state had walked through the poop and left
> paw prints all over the garage floor. These had to be
> brushed too. Well, by this time the dog was sobering
> up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off
> before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
> Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as
> of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in
> size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no
> longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I
> am also happy to report that just this evening I found
> 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet
> door. It appears he must have come to his senses after
> eating 10 of them, and decided hiding 2 of them for
> later would not be a bad idea.
>
> Now I'm doing research on the computer as to "How to
> clean unbaked dough from the Carpet." And how was your
> Day?
>
> Submitted by Joe, Emmitsburg, MD.
>
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Reply by PJM/MI on 11/17/05 2:11pm
Msg #77228
Good story! Alas.. I too, have a "true" dog story.
My cocker, Azlee, loved pizza. When the pizza delivery person knocked on the door, her bark would change.
One night, my son & one of his friends ordered the "2 for 1" special. They ate one, and left the other one on the table.. in the box of course. Then they left to go visit another friend.
I got home from work.. all ready to eat pizza, and it was GONE! I was furious that 2 kids had eaten 2 pizzas!
I called up my son with not so kind words. He swore up & down they had left one whole pizza on the table.
Slowly, and I mean slowly, out walked my little 18 lb cocker. Only now she weighed about 23 lbs. Yepper... she had gotten on the table, open the box and ate the ENTIRE pizza!
Needless to say, she did want any more pizza for about 3 months.
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