Posted by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 3:09pm
Msg #100317

New Living Will Form

Can I get a Notary?

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not
wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives
depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the
bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least
one of the following:
______a Bloody Mary,
______a Margarita
______a Scotch and soda
______a Martini
______a Vodka and Tonic
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control
______a Bowl of ice cream
______The sports page
______Chocolate
______Sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed
person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and
call it a day. At this point it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz
Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my
friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________

Date: ___________________________



Also...

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.







1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOP LE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
< BR>9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSH! UA LED T HE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD H IS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.


17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKS MITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

I'm dangerous when not working.

Reply by Kimberly Middleton on 2/27/06 3:27pm
Msg #100320

Thought that one all by yoursel ah? LOL :) n/m

Reply by Charles_Ca on 2/27/06 4:28pm
Msg #100332

I've seen a few hologaphic wills that looked like that! ~nm n/m

Reply by Charles_Ca on 2/27/06 4:30pm
Msg #100334

Supposed to be holographic not a gaffe (well it was) ~nm n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 4:35pm
Msg #100338

uh huh....sure.... n/m

Reply by Charles_Ca on 2/27/06 4:38pm
Msg #100340

Danged skeptiks! ;) ~NM n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 4:42pm
Msg #100341

Re: Danged skeptiks! ;) ~NM

is this new double message a fashion statement?

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 4:45pm
Msg #100342

Re: Danged skeptiks! ;) ~NM

oh! now I remember H put that in to reflect no text in the message body...man I impress myself sometimes!

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 4:52pm
Msg #100345

make that double ...wait here, got to refill..... n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 4:53pm
Msg #100347

Re:

make that double n/m in many posts, I don't know why it didn't show up in the subject line.

Reply by Charles_Ca on 2/27/06 5:00pm
Msg #100350

Sounds like your afternoon is similar to mine hurry up and

wait. I'm in the middle of a horid winter storm here. We've got floods, downpours, gale force winds and that is just leading up to the storm. A great time to sit by the fire and contemplate nature wile sipping something hot. My title site just went down, and if things keep going this way maybe we'll lose all our services. The last time we had a winter like this we were without power for 10 days. It was actually fun, had the candles and oil lamps out, used the fireplaces and listened to the old time radio programs (Green Hornet, the Shadow, Hop-along Cassidy etc) at night instead of watching TV. My daughter was sad when the power came back on she had such a good time. I set the house up to survive a power loss and I hate the noise of a generator so I've go auxiliary wood heat, a dam in the woods for water, I cook with gas, use oil lamps for light and I enjoy making candles when I actually have some time to do nothing. I also like to keep a well stocked pantry.

Reply by Charm_AL on 2/27/06 5:05pm
Msg #100352

Re: Sounds like your afternoon is similar to mine hurry up and

Charles, I had two pretty good $ signings today. The first one didn't sign, I'm very happy they were on the ball...second canceled on my way back....so, I opened this wine to cook up a sauce or something and I better get downstairs and do it already....hic

have a great night and batten down the hatches, there's something fascinating about severe weather for me. I love thunderstorms, fireplaces and candles.

Reply by O/Cnotary on 2/27/06 5:29pm
Msg #100362

Charles, I thought you were in Mission Viejo CA, its hardly

raining here in San Clemente! Dont believe him Charm, ha ha~

Reply by Charles_Ca on 2/27/06 6:02pm
Msg #100394

That my friend was lat week. This week I am on the Mendo

Coast about 150 mi N of San Francisco where I spend a good amoutn of time when I'm not on the Orange Coast. I'm glad that you arn't having to bear this storm. It is pretty nasty, my home here is on the banks of the Noyo River and we have flood warnings up for the nest 36 hours. I have seen it when it floods here and we get literally cut off from the rest of the world. There are only two ways to get in and out of the area and only one is really viable. It is said that is why we have slo little crime in the area, you can't run! I'll be back in OC the week of the 10th. Anyone for a little mountain biking? There are several trails I wanted to check out particularly Woods Canyon!