Posted by Charm_AL on 7/23/06 11:08am
Msg #134837
OT: Happy Sunday joke...
GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWN CARE...
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature.
What in the world is going on down there on the
planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants
grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,
honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of colors by now.
ST. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there,
Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your
flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not
colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and
bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great
pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each
spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably
make grass grow really fast. That must make the
Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it
grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake
it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they
sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay
to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize
grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they
cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the
heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a
lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the
trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do
say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring
to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural
blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST, FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and
tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and
loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they
go out and buy something which they call mulch.
They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up
to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this
anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the
arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a
story about....
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole
story from St Francis.
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