Posted by ZeeCA on 2/27/07 9:54pm
Msg #177435

OT new diet for guaranteed wt loss...

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Reply by Amalia Contreras on 2/27/07 9:58pm
Msg #177438

Re: YOU ARE TO MUCH!!!! THANKS FOR THE LAUGH n/m

Reply by TitleGalCA on 2/27/07 9:59pm
Msg #177440

Re: OT new diet for guaranteed wt loss...OMG

I'm still laughing so hard I'm shaking!

You are a baaaad girl for leading these people on with this story....
You are a gooood girl for being so funny!!

Thanks for the best joke I've heard all day and (I hear alot) warming my TC chair.

Reply by BrendaTx on 2/27/07 10:07pm
Msg #177441

Re: OT new diet for guaranteed wt loss...Hooo haww! thx n/m

Reply by christiSocal on 2/28/07 12:57am
Msg #177459

That was fantastic! n/m

Reply by PJM/MI on 2/28/07 6:55am
Msg #177464

Re: OT new diet for guaranteed wt loss...2 Funny! n/m

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 8:21am
Msg #177468

One Thing's for Certain...

...IF this is a true story the woman who asked the innocent question & thus becoming the "butt" of your joke will more than likely make every attempt to never cross your "crabby" path again. Too bad, she might have been the CEO of a local title company who could've referred you a lot of business.

Reply by Bob_Chicago on 2/28/07 8:27am
Msg #177469

Very funny. You might want to clarify that this was.....

a JOKE for the humor impaired among us.

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 8:31am
Msg #177470

IF This is Nothing More...

...than a "story" I'll be glad to laugh along with everyone else.

Reply by Sylvia_FL on 2/28/07 8:36am
Msg #177471

Re: IF This is Nothing More...

Dennis
I heard this joke a couple of years ago

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 8:38am
Msg #177473

I Guess...

...I do need to lighten up this AM! Thanks for the enlightenment & I apologize to Zee for any negative inferences.

Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 2/28/07 8:46am
Msg #177474

That's a Bill Engval "Here's your sign moment". LOLOLOL

This one is going to my f-i-l.

Reply by Becca_FL on 2/28/07 9:20am
Msg #177476

Jeez, Dennis. Lighten up is right. n/m

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 10:02am
Msg #177483

I Will...

...will Bob & you? The way this joke was worded (first person singular as if Zee was relating a personal exerience & yes, I now know this was purposely done to make the story SEEM real for effect) fooled me & took me back to my college days when I had a friend who pulled similar stunts at the expense of older ladies in line at the grocery store. At the time I thought they were funny. A "story" is one thing, reality is another. I failed to recognize the difference this time. Mea Culpa!

Reply by jojo_MN on 2/28/07 10:16am
Msg #177485

I heard this joke a few months ago. I still laughed again! n/m

Reply by CaliNotary on 2/28/07 12:25pm
Msg #177521

Re: I Will...

"A "story" is one thing, reality is another."

The reality is that humans can't lick their own butts. You really need MORE than that to make it obvious that this is a joke?

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 12:52pm
Msg #177527

I Guess I'm not the Only One...

...failing to read a post correctly today & it speaks to how the medium of message boards (sans the spoken word) can lead to misunderstandings. My impression was that Zee had REALLY gone through this parody with this woman in some WalMart in CA. I mistakenly thought she had enough chutzpah to pull this off like my college friend did.

Reply by BrendaTx on 2/28/07 1:16pm
Msg #177537

Re: I Guess I'm not the Only One...

Dennis, C'mon fess up. It was you.

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 1:34pm
Msg #177543

I Wish I Could...

...but this friend of mine was incredibly adept at this. He teamed up with his roommate & they'd go searching out grocery stores for unsuspecting older ladies just as they were checking out. One would be in the line just ahead of the woman & the other behind her. Their "shtick" had to do with the old Doublemint commercial where the tag line was: "It's two! Two mints in one!" The guy first in line would tell the cashier he wanted to buy this "breath mint". That was the cue for the 2nd guy in line to holler out "that's not a breath mint, it's a candy mint!" They'd then argue with each other over the top of the poor woman as to exactly what kind of mint it really was. Finally they would both agree: "It's TWO! Two mints in ONE!" After throwing their money at the cashier they'd then skip out of the store arm in arm leaving one bewildered older woman in their wake. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Reply by ZeeCA on 2/28/07 1:26pm
Msg #177542

Actually I prob would and maybe have lol! n/m

Reply by Dennis D Broadbooks on 2/28/07 2:24pm
Msg #177563

For My Future Benefit...

...you might want to hang a big "JOKE" sign on the subject headings to your humorous posts. BTW, you have a private message from me as well.

Reply by MelissaCT on 3/2/07 11:35am
Msg #177893

I worked at a grocery store where a colleague would

card old people buying beer, just for fun. At the time, it was funny...

Although I have been know to say, when asked if we have a bathroom at my FT job, that "No. We have to go outside." Love the look on the person's face!! I can actually say it with a straight face, too. Still cracks me up.

Reply by CJ on 2/28/07 11:08am
Msg #177490

Turn that one in to Reader's Digest and make $300!

Reply by Korey Humphreys on 2/28/07 1:05pm
Msg #177533

I'm late, but LMAO!!!! n/m