Posted by Jersey_Boy on 1/5/07 8:37am
Msg #169347

OT- Tell me a joke... pretty please n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 1/5/07 8:41am
Msg #169350

OK...you asked for it!...

I LOVE MY JOB . . . . . .

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio
station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit
to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Reply by Bob_Chicago on 1/5/07 8:51am
Msg #169355

You win !!!!.. n/m

Reply by Charm_AL on 1/5/07 9:04am
Msg #169360

Re: You win !!!!..

Cool! please forward my all inclusive Greek Mediterranean cruise to HSV, AL!

Reply by Bob_Chicago on 1/5/07 9:18am
Msg #169363

It's in the mail. Gotta go to work n/m

Reply by cassiewi on 1/5/07 9:51am
Msg #169373

Re: OK...you asked for it!...

Thank you Charm, for the much needed laughter this morning. Oh yeah and I LOVE MY JOB!

Reply by Sarah/CA on 1/5/07 9:52am
Msg #169374

Hysterical. Poor guy. Nothing looks bad after that. n/m

Reply by SarahBeth_CA on 1/5/07 10:10am
Msg #169379

Holy jellyfish ROTFLMAO!!!!!

I sent it to the FIL. He's always sending me long long long jokes. I can hear him laughing till he chokes from 1500 miles away.

Reply by Charm_AL on 1/5/07 10:11am
Msg #169380

Re: Holy jellyfish ROTFLMAO!!!!!

ROFL!!! Sarah, it sounds like you are gell'in with da choken LOL

Reply by Joe Ewing on 1/5/07 11:10am
Msg #169398

Re: OT- Tell me a joke... pretty please

I have two for you'all.

One for the Ladies...

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. But what is Marketing????

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed,"
That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed,"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed,"
That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Spam.

One for us Guys

A shepherd was looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a young man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray Bans, Tag Heuer
watch,White Cerutti shoes,tailor-made mauve shirt, with a Boss tie.
He gets out and asks the shepherd 'If I can guess how many sheep you
have, can I keep one?'

The shepherd looks at the large flock of sheep and says 'Okay'.

The young man connects his laptop to his mobile phone/fax, enters the
NASA website, scans the field using his GPS, opens the database linked to 60 Excel tables, filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out
a 150 page report on his mini printer.

He studies the reports and says to the shepherd 'You have 1586 sheep'.

The shepherd replies, "That's correct. You can have the pick of my
flock."

The young man packs away his equipment, looks at the flock and puts one into the back of the Porsche.

As he is about to leave, the Shepherd says, "If I can guess what your
profession is will you return the animal to me?'

The young man thinks for a minute and says 'Okay'.

The shepherd says 'You are a Management Consultant'.

The young man says' Correct, how did you know?'

The Shepherd replied, 'Simple. First you came here without being
invited. Second you charge me a fee for something I already knew.
Third, you don't understand anything about my business.'

'Now, can I have my dog back?'

Reply by Poppy on 1/5/07 1:23pm
Msg #169416

Good Jokes! Charm and Joe. Thanks! :-) n/m

Reply by DellaCa on 1/5/07 12:26pm
Msg #169408

Re: OT- Tell me a joke... pretty please

Thanks for asking Jersey_Boy and thank you Charm for the reply that was so funny. I love my job!

Reply by Brenda/CA on 1/5/07 2:17pm
Msg #169436

Re: OT- Tell me a joke... pretty please

JIM AND EDNA

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
Mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they
Were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
The deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
Immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
Considered her to be mentally stable.

hen she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news
And bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were
Able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life
Of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound
Mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
Bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
Sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

"How soon can I go home?"

Reply by Joe Ewing on 1/5/07 3:07pm
Msg #169444

Re: OT- Tell me a joke... pretty please

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
Father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$580,000 and unfortunately your mother just lost her job. There's no way
we can afford It."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick
told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling
Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard mom tell you to wait because she
was coming too. I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
$580,000 mortgage & no bike!"