Posted by BrendaTx on 1/25/13 11:06am
Msg #452151

Removing profiles & Are you really as nice as you think?

Yesterday, a notary removed her profile because she did not like the feedback she was getting. I read the feedback. Some of it was quite opinionated, but none of it was mean-spirited. She threw in the towel over a difference of opinions. That is, of course, her prerogative and leads me to my first point.

Learn to ignore foolish, baseless comments, or comments that do not agree with your opinion. Every long-time poster at NR has had to wade through buckets of sludge to find the golden eggs of knowledge and friendship.

Point two is for the folks who denigrate NR members for being a mean group of posters. Long-time members are often accused by the semi-new for bullying and being nasty to the newer folks. Some claim that the long-timers are horrible. They cluck tongues and chastise.

I find it amusing this morning that while groundless abuses were freely hurled last night toward Marian, JBA, me, and Janet, only Malb. and AR_Razormac (relatively new posters) noted the abuser's actions were out of line. (LindaH/FL did, as well, but she's not new.)

For certain, Marian, JBA, Janet, nor I need a nanny or NR guard dog. But, if you are a semi-new member who chastises others for naot being patient enough with newcomers, and if you read the abusive remarks, but didn't report the posts, nor say anything, you might not be as nice as you think you are. The remarks from last night were purely for meanness, but you let those go by. That's fine, of course, and it is your choice, but your actions speak much, much louder than your words.

Finally, I tried not to say anything else about this, but I have to. I have to note how truly ugly is the remark, "You woman with children that just post all day, what up with that."

Two of the women at whom the abuse was directed have lost children, one of them is childless because of that loss. WHY should mothers be accused in any post because they are mothers?

Yet, in spite of it all, none of the abused have removed their profiles. Most notably, none of the abused hurled abuses back at the abuser. In the future, this will be my go-to reference post when the circumstances call for it.

You'll have to search yesterday's posts to learn the ID of the abusive poster. Here are the remarks...

For "dummies" Brenda, JBA, Marian, Janet -

YOU DO POST ALL DAY SELF IMPORTANT DUMMIES

For JBA - look at your lame ole pic that you publish on a professional site, are you kidding?. that's why i question the good ole "southern girls".

--and--

jb or whatever your "tag" is you might want to rethink
your upside down child pic, real professional. is that from the movie Deliverance? my experience is the fl gals are total gators and the ca gals well just furgetaboutit.


For Marian and Brenda - Well Cinderella if the shoe fits wear it....you are from the generation that doesn't want to be called on anything. But I forgot you are the perfect thing from somewhere in CA that knows and does everything RIGHT! gosh darn it! and maybe your fairy godmother is Brenda from TX.

--and--

I can't believe how important you all think you are I am amazed at the length and verbosity of all your posts. I guess I have to stay away. Gee, Brenda must be the great grandmother of all the poor notaries she thinks can't defend themselves. You woman with children that just post all day, what up with that. I do advertise here but I feel this has become a board for super compulsive opinionated weirdos.

For Marian - Marion you are really quite perfect, must be all that wholesome California sun.

Reply by Linda_H/FL on 1/25/13 11:18am
Msg #452162

I'm going to put this out there, as shocking and offensive

as I found these posts...

I chalked them up to someone having a major meltdown. What caused it we have no idea (well, maybe a little idea but not sure) but it doesn't make it right. But IMO there was either a major emotional break going on, or a serious abuse of mind-altering substances at the time these posts were proffered.

Although none of it was hurled at me yes, I was insulted by the remarks FOR my colleagues/friends. Especially since all those who WERE the targets have gone out of their way to help this poster in the past. And what I HAVE taken away from some of the foolishness of the past few days is that there is a growing list of people whose posts I will ignore and who I will not help. I will just watch them hopefully, slowly fade away.

Thanks for posting Brenda!!

Reply by CopperheadVA on 1/25/13 11:26am
Msg #452163

I agree those were very inappropriate remarks

I had not read that thread - took me a few minutes to find which one it was.

Reply by BrendaTx on 1/25/13 11:59am
Msg #452170

I found it very interesting that while this disturbing rant

was going on, those who usually jump in and fuss about the injustice of it all were not saying a peep. I know at least one of those were online and had nothing to say. Tarnishes the halo a bit.

Actions speak louder than words.

Reply by Yoli/CA on 1/25/13 2:06pm
Msg #452199

Wow! What happened?

Took me awhile to find the thread ... but, WOW! That freezing weather is majorly affecting more than just the heating bills.

Pretty sad to see "adults" acting and reacting in this fashion.

Reply by Priscilla Witman on 1/25/13 12:18pm
Msg #452174

I do not have a dog in this fight. I do not have anything against anyone personally here on Notary Rotary. I have asked some foolish questions of my own, and answered some questions probably foolishly as well. I have been a little bit stung by some answers I have gotten in the past, but mostly because I am not as thick-skinned as others. I'm working on that.

Looking back, most replies on any question I have ever asked were helpful. I don't believe I have ever received any mean-spirited response purely for the sake of being mean-spirited. That said, I didn't fully follow the thread in question until I saw the post about removing a profile. When I went back through and read it all, I was stunned, personally. Some of the posts (from the poster in question) were so cruel. I think, clearly, somebody just decided at some point, the gloves were off, no holds barred. I was so shocked to read the personal attacks.

Honestly, I am still new. I learn so much from NR. I have always been one to do my own research before I go looking for help. I admit I get somewhat annoyed with all the "how do I do business" posts. If I do not have anything helpful to say, I say nothing at all. If I feel I do not know what I'm talking about, I say nothing at all. That is just me. All that said, I felt that the thread in question became unnecessarily nasty. It was more than just a disagreement or a difference of opinions. I do not feel now, nor have I ever felt that Notary Rotary is a board for super compulsive opinionated weirdos, regardless of how a question is answered and argued and rehashed. I will say that I think sometimes people get off topic, or venture down roads that weren't originally intended. That's just the way it is. We will all interpret things differently, and that's what makes this board so important to me. Someone may see things in a different light than me and offer a different point of view. That's why I'm here for the most part. To learn and grow. I take what I need and leave the rest, and try not to take anything personally.

Just my opinion. Nothing personal against anybody named in this thread.

Reply by Shan/CA on 1/25/13 12:27pm
Msg #452176

Brenda, thank you so much for you post! I think we should have all been offended. I am a mother of 5, so I am offended when ANYONE has something negative to say about moms. We have one of the hardest jobs out there. To the women who have endured a loss, stay strong! I don't know any of the people to whom the remarks were made, but I'd like to say you remained respectful to yourself and to the rest of us on the board by not stooping to such a low level. My hat off to you all!

Reply by Malbrough_LA on 1/25/13 12:35pm
Msg #452179

Not offended.

I considered the source, assessed the situation, and concluded someone had gone "cuckoo for cocoa puffs." I was not, however, going to let it slide as being unaddressed. Invalid fallacious arguments are always bad arguments, and people should not be attacked for that which has nothing to do with the ideas being discussed in an open forum.

Reply by ToniK on 1/25/13 12:41pm
Msg #452180

All I have to say to newcomers are

this too shall pass. When I was a newcomer many moons ago (not that long ago in 2006/2007) I was afraid to post questions due to the what I thought were harsh responses BUT then I realize this is the internet...how stupid of me to get my feelings hurt over what someone typed....anywho Im still here and love NR!!! I dont even waste my time with other boards/forums (other than facebook/linkedin).

Reply by Kenny Services - Dawn on 1/25/13 12:51pm
Msg #452186

While I may disagree on how some people treat other people on this site, everyone is entitled to comment, give an opinion, or defend themselves if they believe they are treated unfairly. Unfortunately some people cross the line. I just read the posting and that without a doubt crossed the line. I am a firm believer that if you want respect, you gotta give respect, and vice-versa.

The person who post those over the top mean-spirited messages should not have had the opportunity to remove their profile on their own, it should have been done for them.

I have tried to help a few on this board who I felt were unnecessarily jumped on for their questions, it also happened to me, so i know how it felt . I of course only want good for everyone on this board. I am a christian person who believes that we should all be kind to one another and if we can be helpful that is a plus too, any less that is not acceptable.

Reply by MW/VA on 1/25/13 1:12pm
Msg #452189

Thanks, Brenda. I'm clueless about the whole matter

& don't need or want to know what went on necessarily. If someone felt a need to remove their profile, they were only shooting themselves in the foot. This is a professional forum, and that profile is valuable advertising real estate.
I choose to participate on the forum, but avoid the snarky stuff that goes on.
I think some develop bad habits of communication from FB and other sites. None of that is appropriate here--ever, IMO.
That's why Harry has provided Rules--too bad everyone doesn't follow them.

Reply by 101livescan on 1/25/13 3:07pm
Msg #452207

Re: Thanks, Brenda. I'm clueless about the whole matter

Thanks for posting, I'm also clueless....it's monthend. Where does everyone find the time to indulge. I'm standing on my head with more orders than I can handle.

Let's all work together and learn and grow...seems very thwarting to our common goal of supporting each other.

Reply by JanetK_CA on 1/25/13 4:13pm
Msg #452226

Re: Thanks, Brenda. I'm clueless about the whole matter

Count me clueless, too, but thanks for the support, Brenda. I think Cheryl's probably right, though, that EOM has reduced the amount of time people have available here to post and to read. Guess I've got some catching up to do on reading!

The criticizer was right about one thing, though. I did have lots of time yesterday to post (but I don't recall posting anything that wasn't intended to be helpful). I took off the last two days to recuperate from one of those nasty URI's going around. Cancelled all my appointments and can't count how many I turned down. Today, I'm easing back into work. Bad timing - but it IS amazing what a couple of days in bed will do to speed a recovery!

Reply by NVLSlady/VA on 1/25/13 5:33pm
Msg #452241

Clueless about the whole matter

I have a habit of analyzing . . . but for sure I will remain clueless about whatever is being talked of here (the OP's brief highlights were plenty). I like to think, Someone is always watching and listening; after all, the eye and the ear wasn't MY idea - or anyone else's that I know

Reply by MistarellaFL on 1/25/13 5:58pm
Msg #452243

Wowee!

Major meltdown!
I haven't seen anything like that in a loooooong time.
I'm very surprised, but I like your response, Brenda.
WTG.

Reply by Marian_in_CA on 1/25/13 6:02pm
Msg #452247

I think that the profile removal event and the other other are actually two entirely separately separate events, which might be why some people are confused.

For reference...

The thread that resulted in a NotterRotter deleting herself: Msg #451804

The thread where somebody didn't appreciate being corrected on proper usage of commission vs license and went ballistic and insulted people: Msg #451774


Ironically enough... the person who deleted her profile? I tend to agree with her position regarding the phone. I do not answer the phone during an appointment, if I can help it because I consider it extremely rude. If I were the borrower I'd be pretty upset. They are there on MY time, in MY home and yes, on ultimately MY dime. I would definitely complain if they were taking phone calls for other jobs in the middle of my appointment. BUt, that's just my opinion and how I run things... I treat borrowers the way I'd want to be treated. If a company doesn't want to wait for me to return their call, that's fine. I've found that the ones who don't wait aren't the ones who meet my fees anyway so it's no big deal. The ones who meet my fee and respect my work ethic know to leave me a message because they know I'll treat their clients with the same attention. That's just how *I* do it.

Reply by BrendaTx on 1/25/13 6:47pm
Msg #452260

"Nice" person didn't see a problem

with abusive posts. That is what was remarkable about it all.

He / she is very vocal about how new people must be helped and answered nicely was not impacted by EOM...he / she posted more than 10 times during the time the nasty thread was going on but apparently didn't see a problem with it.

And yes, Marian is right...there were two separate points...

1) Msg #451804 - Differences of opinions...not big deal, but profile removed.
Don't be thin-skinned! Don't be cheated out of great work and opportunity to learn here just because you get a little bit put off.

2) Msg #451774 the abusive thread. No one got mad and melted down, nor removed profiles. Nor did they reply back with stamping feet and pouting.

(Thanks for clarifying, Marian. )

Reply by Pat/IL on 1/25/13 6:59pm
Msg #452266

To comment on Marian's first link, while it's still fresh in memory: If I had to take sides, I would have to take sides with Emily. She disagreed with Mr. Johnson respectfully, and respectfully responded to the abuse of the poster who sought to defend Mr. Johnson from an opposing opinion.

I would think this board woud appreciate the thoughts of a former vendor manager, in order to gain some insight into the way they're trained to relate with the people they hire. Maybe she had some useful information to share. Aside from that, I agreed with her approach too.

Reply by Pat/IL on 1/25/13 7:34pm
Msg #452271

As to Marian's second link, I think the offending poster was jealously lashing out at people who have posted some of the best stuff I've ever read on this site. Maybe that person was having a bad day.

Well, there you have it - my opinion, whether you wanted to read it or not. Thanks, Brenda, for this and many other interesting threads. And thanks Marian, for organizing this one.