   | | Discussion involving leisure activities: books, travel, hobbies, sports, Internet fun and more. Please read Msg #1 before posting. |
| Msg #208
0 replies | And God created Woman | By Frenchie/TN on 8/30/07 11:55am
Adam is in the Garden of Eden. All Alone..
Adam: God
God: Yes my son
Adam: I am so lonely...
God: Okay, I will create a Companion for you. She will be beautiful, she will serve you and take care of your every needs. She will never complain. She will never have headaches, she will love you and encourage you in everything you do.
Adam: That sounds wonderful! How much will it cost?
God: An arm and a leg
scroll down...
Adam: What can I get for a rib???
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| | Msg #199
12 replies | First day of First Grade for my son today | By  MelissaCT on 8/30/07 10:19am
Kindergarten wasn't as bad for me, but First Grade?? It's hitting me this year...I know before I blink he'll be going off to his first day of High School then college, but I have to deal with 1st grade first...
He has a brand-new teacher (new to the school system & freshly graduated with her Masters this year), will be going for full day for the first time and eating lunch in the cafeteria, plus riding the bus home with all the grades.
Anyway, just had to vent the nervousness. Any words of wisdom?
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| Msg #197
0 replies | another good one | By jean/pa on 8/30/07 9:02am
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me all ways, I will
grant you one wish.
The biker pulled over and said,"Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I
wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong,
and how I can make a Woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
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| Msg #192
1 replies | Women vs. Men joke...? | By C_in_OKC on 8/30/07 12:30am
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down..
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...
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...
...
...
....
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...
...
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
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| Msg #184
4 replies | Okay, I'm driving myself nuts here! Math related question... | By Korey Humphreys on 8/29/07 8:34pm
Could someone help? -- Please round the following number to the nearest tenth 0.24987
Is it:
---A) 0.25
---B) 0.2
---C) 0.24
---D) 2.0
I think it's "B". If it is, can someone explain why?
-------------------------------------------
I'm pretty sure I know the answer, I'm just burnt out cuz I've been at this subject, and business management all day!!! *EEERRR* I hate College!!!!!
TIA
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| | Msg #180
5 replies | You know you're a Floridian if....... | By Sylvia_FL on 8/29/07 7:09pm
You know you're a Floridian if....
Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly, but pull over for a funeral.
You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
You could swim before you could read.
You have to drive north to get to The South.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty small.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
'Down South' means Key West
'Panhandling' means going to Pensacola
Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to Florida.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and February.
It's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, 'What kinda coke you want?'
Anything under 95 is just warm.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. (Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, Nascar, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.
You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You get angry when people say 'Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH.'
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the 'stingray shuffle' is, and why it's important!
You recognize Miami-Dade as 'Northern Cuba'.
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| Msg #176
2 replies | the lord. that will be all for the day | By jean/pa on 8/29/07 12:58pm
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me all ways, I will
grant you one wish.
The biker pulled over and said,"Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I
wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she
feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong,
and how I can make a Woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
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| Msg #175
2 replies | jesus and moses | By jean/pa on 8/29/07 12:57pm
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD Player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the
dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot."Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you" The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses ," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."
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| Msg #149
3 replies | Help feed the critters | By Blueink_CA on 8/28/07 1:10pm
Hi, all you animal lovers. This is pretty simple. The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals.
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on the purple box "fund food for animals" for free. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site - please pass it along to people you know. Thanks!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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| Msg #146
3 replies | Florida Blessing | By Sylvia_FL on 8/28/07 12:21pm
Florida Blessing
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
HOLD IT.....there's more............
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FLORIDA IN August WHEN. . . ..
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the
ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance. (Yup)
Hot water now comes out of both taps. (so special)
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. (This has happened to me)
You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer
your car. (cuz the steering wheel is so dog gone hot-you learn)
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car
window. (True)
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
God Bless Our State of FLORIDA!
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| Msg #133
20 replies | who's da' man? | By Charm_AL on 8/28/07 9:41am
A man goes to the jail to visit the prisoner. After the man leaves, the jailer asks the prisoner who the man was. The prisoner says, "brothers and sisters I have none, that man's father is my father's son".
Who was the man?
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| Msg #120
2 replies | OT (of course) 25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP | By Signing_Doc on 8/27/07 5:53pm
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hookup" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those%&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen antacid not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces"I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer its for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same.
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| Msg #110
36 replies | My fine is $230.60! What's yours??? | By Jersey_Boy on 8/27/07 2:08pm
Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going
until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. When you are
done, post your file in the subject line. You don't have to confess your
answers, just the amount of your fine. $570.60 is the Max fine.
Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever did something you shouldn't have in a church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
Dated someone you met on MySpace -- $25
Vandalized something -- $20
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used adult toys --$30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Stole something -- $10
Stole something worth more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had an intimate relationship with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had an intimate relationship with sometone 10 years younger -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Lied to your mate -- $5
Tally it up and Title it..."My Fine Is..."
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| Msg #107
3 replies | Back from NY..Thank's for everyone's input..One more ? | By MariaIECA on 8/27/07 12:08pm
I bought a new digital camera for this trip. Of course, lost it in a cab. I had over 100 pics on the card when I lost it! Should I consider it lost 4ever? I could care less about the camera. I just want the card back. It was our first time in NY and I took some great shots. I am so bumbed and my husband isn't too happy. We had a great time. We actually got to see Wicked. Paid an arm and a leg, but definately worth it. ($200 per ticket) It didn't rain while we were there, but it was HOT & HUMID! The food was great. We ate at Pig & Whistles the first night, Mickey Mantle's on Friday and ate in Little Italy on Saturday. I am exhausted!
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| Msg #105
1 replies | For any stargazer's out there | By GLRMbile on 8/27/07 10:24am
Tomorrow morning (early,like 4:00AM) will be a full eclipse of the moon (full moon
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| Msg #102
0 replies | Coyote Foxhounds | By Pierces Notary Services on 8/27/07 8:16am
This past Christmas I bought my husband 2 coyote hounds (for hunting coyotes and foxes) - what a thrill it has been helping him train these two. Just yesterday we just picked up our third - a 7 week old female Walker/July Foxhound mix. Our other two are Oldline Walker/Foxhounds with a 1/8 of Blue Tick mix. They are absolutely beautiful and that hound bark. Do any of you guys get into this? What a thrill it is to me to see these dogs on the chase and the sound of the hounds barking. In three weeks our oldest female will be entered into a speed trial - she is doing awesome. She has really blown my husbands socks off with her speed and endurance. This new one came from a great bloodline of endurance and speed. I'm still learning but enjoying every moment of it.
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| Msg #101
1 replies | you caught my eye | By Charm_AL on 8/27/07 7:49am
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, "the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been so incredible!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. . ." "You just happened to catch my eye."
(oh shut up, and just forward it!)
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