I had been shoveling inside the garden beds until just after dark. My wife turned on the patio light and warned that I was going to be sore and she would make me a hot bath. "I don't want a hot bath". That's how you talk as you get older.
"Yes, you're going to have a hot bath and then have some meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy", and since I happen to like meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy I conceded to the hot bath.
At this time I should tell you about my wife and what she considers to be hot. Her daytime body temperature is about 200 degrees and her night time temperature is about 300. So a hot bath to her is about 500 degrees. At night she will sometimes have a throw pillow which gets too hot and she moves it aside. I grab and hold onto it like a hot water bottle that will stay warm for at least an hour. Sometimes I hand it back to her to warm up and she obliges. After many years of marriage you find different things to amuse each other.
I peered into the tub and a whif of steam called to me with a curled finger. Past experience reminded me to just plunge in so I did, starting with one leg. Without any command from me my leg shot out of the scalding water leaving me in suspended animation like a modern day Samurai warrior. I lost my breath which saved me from screaming like I had just eaten a ghost chile. YouTube it.
After the lava soak, I was treated with mashed potatoes and gravy and for a few moments I disconnected from the pain.
The TV went on and my wife tuned in to one of her favorite series, 'Heartland'. The episode started with the house and barn on fire which brought back a near memory. The flex ice-pack came out of the freezer and I wrapped it around my ankles. Ahh...
Another episode of Heartland started and was aptly titled 'Blowing Smoke'. We never figured out the title but I did point out the irony and we both laughed. The ice-pack melted as I drifted in and out, then woke up just in time to read the title to the third episode called 'Playing with Fire'.
"That's it", I told my wife, "i'm going to cool my heals and go to bed." She said she was sorry several times as I joked about my pain and got her to giggle. Didn't know I was married to a kinky girl...
I headed to bed, where I am now, and on my way out I told her, "If you see two Webster Web feet sticking out of the covers it's me warming up the room". We both laughed some more and here I sit, smoldering, waiting for the rain. |
